The Pitfalls of Politeness When Gathering Your People

As someone who has been planning trips and retreats for almost 2 decades, this topic is close to my heart. No matter how carefully I select the individuals to join me, there have been times where a single disruptor has affected the trip. Have you ever experienced that? It’s not possible to get it right 100% of the time, but you may want to consider (however uncomfortable) the information in this blog post to help uphold the integrity of your retreat!

I love this quote from the book The Art of Gathering, I think it says so much:

“People who aren’t fulfilling the purpose of your gathering aredetracting from it, even if they do nothing to detract from it.”

Planning a retreat is exciting! It's a chance to bring people together and make unforgettable memories. But it's also important to think about who should be part of it. In this blog post, we'll talk about why finding the right mix of people is so important. By choosing carefully who to include and who to exclude, you can create a retreat where everyone feels connected and transformed.

💮Finding the Sweet Spot:
To make your retreat meaningful, you need to find the right balance. It's important to invite people who share your goals and values. But it's also important to avoid inviting those who might disrupt the atmosphere you want. By carefully choosing who comes, you can create a retreat where everyone can connect deeply, learn from one another, and grow together

💮How Do I Do That?:
Inviting people to your retreat can be both exciting and challenging. It requires being mindful of who will contribute positively to the gathering. While it may be tempting to include everyone out of politeness, (or because you need the numbers) it's important to prioritize the retreat's purpose and the experience of all participants. Not an easy task!

💮Your Retreat Needs Boundaries:
All retreats benefit from clear boundaries. By communicating the retreat's vision, objectives, and values, you set the stage for a transformative experience. Thoughtful exclusion….yep, that means leaving people out on purpose….helps define these boundaries, making sure that everyone understands the purpose and expectations of the retreat. This creates an environment where like-minded individuals can connect deeply and cultivate meaningful connections.

💮Balancing Generosity and Selectivity:
Exclusion, when done with purpose, can be an act of generosity. By carefully
considering who might not be the best fit for your retreat, you protect the gathering's integrity and ensure a positive experience for all. Balancing inclusivity and selectivity, allows you to create an environment where participants feel valued, respected, and comfortable sharing their unique contributions.

💮The Pitfall of Politeness:
You may find it challenging to say, "Please don't come" when you realize certain individuals may not be aligned with your retreat's intentions. There is always hesitation when you feel like you may offend someone but you don’t want to damage the integrity of your gathering; and that is exactly what can happen when the wrong people show up. It can hijack the retreat, not only diverting it from its intended purpose, but also keeping
others from being fully present and getting the most out of their own experience. It might be easier to say “I don’t think this retreat is a good fit for you right now”. My secret tip is that I personally always use an application process which makes it easier to avoid the wrong people registering for the retreat.
 

In Closing:
Finding the delicate balance between inclusion and exclusion is the key to planning a transformative retreat. By inviting those who align with your retreat's purpose and values, while thoughtfully excluding those whose presence may not contribute positively, you create an atmosphere where meaningful connections can thrive. So, as you embark on planning your next retreat, embrace the art of balance, and curate a gathering that fosters growth, connection, and unforgettable memories.

NEED EVEN MORE? Check out some great resources at www.retreatleaderroadmap.com